Sir J M Barrie

Sir J M Barrie

Scottish writer

Moustache type: Walrus

Born: 9 5 1860 (Kirriemuir, Angus, Scotland)
Died: 19 6 1937 (London, England, aged 77, pneumonia)

James Matthew Barrie is the creator of Peter Pan, Wendy, the Lost Boys, Tinker Bell, Captain Hook (qv), Neverland and the Darling family (based on the Davies boys, who were the grandsons of George du Maurier and cousins of Daphne). His lasting fame is due mainly to Peter Pan, the first performance of which was staged in 1904. But he also wrote many more novels and plays including the Thrums novels, a successful series written in Scotch dialect and based on his home town of Kirriemuir.

Barrie was rich and famous in his lifetime, was made a baronet in 1913 and received the Order of Merit in 1922.

His literary friends and acquaintances included the moustachioed Arthur Conan Doyle (qv), H G Wells (qv) Jerome K. Jerome (qv) and Robert Louis Stevenson (who, because of his royale or soul patch, is sadly ineligible for inclusion in this catalogue).

Dr Thomas Barnardo

Dr Thomas Barnardo

Irish philanthropist

Moustache type: Handlebar

Born: 4 7 1845 (Dublin, Ireland)
Died: 19 9 1905 (London, England, aged 60, angina pectoris)





Dr. Barnardo founded the charity that bears his name in 1866. Today it spends over £100 million a year helping vulnerable children and young people.

He had been alerted to the plight of those whom he made it his life’s work to help after lending his medical expertise in the battle against the cholera epidemic of the 1860s. He was stationed in east London where he was appalled by the number of starving and maimed children sleeping in the streets and filthy gutters. His first children’s home was established in 1870.

The aim of the homes was to admit destitute children regardless of age, sex, religion or nationality. The charity also sought to train the children in skills they could use to find work and support themselves once they reached adulthood.

Dr. Barnardo also set up one of Britain’s first fostering schemes. However, all this worthiness pales in comparison to his marvellous moustache.

Charles Barkley

Charles Barkley

American basketball player

Moustache type: Nailbrush

Born: 20 2 1963 (Leeds, Alabama, USA)

In 1996, to commemorate the NBA’s 50th anniversary, a select panel chose the 50 greatest basketball players ever to grace the American game. “Sir Charles” Barkley was among them.

Barkley’s greatness centred around his ability to read where rebounds would bounce coupled with his determination in claiming them, plus his prolific scoring record (he scored 22.1 points per game on average and got 12,546 rebounds across his career).

He played in the NBA for the Philadelphia 76ers (1984-92), the Phoenix Suns (1992-96), where he was named the NBA’s Most Valuable Player in 1993, and the Houston Rockets (1996-2000). He retired due to a knee injury.

Barkley was an occasionally-controversial character. In 1997 he defenestrated a man in New York. He was asked if he regretted the incident but was unrepentant, commenting: “I regret we weren’t on a higher floor.”

In 1992 Barkley won Olympic Gold as part of the USA dream team that also included that other great moustachioed American basketball player Michael Jordan, qv.

Bobby Ball

Bobby Ball

English comedian

Moustache type: Dancing slugs

Born: 28 1 1944 (Oldham, Lancashire, England)


Bobby Ball was born Robert Harper, but changed his name to Ball when he formed the comedy double act Cannon and Ball with Tommy Cannon, who was born Thomas Derbyshire. Ball has possibly the worst moustache in this catalogue; it being untidy, scraggly and asymmetrical.

Cannon and Ball’s popularity reached its apex in the 1980s when they were the highest paid comedians on British TV, earning £50,000 per week each. They had once been £20-a-week welders. But their ‘traditional’ style of comedy was eclipsed as the decade ended with the rise of alternative comedians. Nowadays Cannon and Ball are stars of the pantomime circuit, still have a popular stage show and are evangelical born again Christians.

Tommy, the straight man, said Bobby was a natural choice as the funny man: “He just walks onto the stage and everybody laughs. Either you have it or you don’t.” Perhaps Tommy was also talking about Bobby’s sex appeal. Ball says he has bedded more female fans than he could count. This for a man who is just 5’4”, fat, and who has had a perm for much of his career. Even a bad moustache can work wonders it seems.

Arthur Balfour

Arthur Balfour

Scottish Politician

Moustache type: Jay's

Born: 25 7 1848 (East Lothian, Scotland)
Died: 19 3 1930 (Woking, Surrey, England, aged 81, heart failure)

In early 1878 the Foreign Secretary, Robert Gascoyne-Cecil, The Marquess of Salisbury, chose Arthur Balfour as his Parliamentary Private Secretary. In 1885, with Salisbury now Prime Minister, Balfour was promoted to President of the Local Government Board. In 1886 Salisbury gave him a cabinet post as Secretary for Scotland, and in 1887 he chose him as Chief Secretary for Ireland. Salisbury was Balfour’s mother’s brother. The phrase “Bob’s your uncle” was born.

Balfour was initially considered more philosopher than politician but his reputation as political lightweight diminished with his tough incumbency as Irish Secretary, when he earned the nickname “Bloody Balfour.”

In 1902 Balfour succeeded his Uncle Bob as Prime Minister. His premiership lasted three years but it was as Foreign Secretary in the coalition government in the First World War that he left his final mark. The Balfour Declaration espoused a Jewish homeland in Palestine.

Balfour stands proud as the first of Britain’s eight moustachioed Prime Ministers.

Lieutenant General Robert Baden Powell

Robert Baden Powell

English soldier

Moustache type: Caterpillar

Born: 22 2 1857 (London, England)
Died: 8 1 1941 (Nyeri, Kenya, aged 83), cause of death unknown to blogger




Robert Baden-Powell, the hero of Mafeking, served his country with distinction as a soldier but is known primarily as the founder of the scouting movement.

During the Second Boer War (1899-1902), Baden-Powell withstood an 8,000-man-strong Boer siege for 217 days, masterminding military artifices such as encouraging his men to step over non-existent barbed wire. He was promoted to Lieutenant-General, returned to Britain a national hero and retired from the Army in 1910. In 1937 he was appointed to the Order of Merit.

Two years earlier he had laid the foundations of the scouting movement with the publishing of his book Scouting for Boys. The book was based on an earlier book he had written for army scouts.

In 1920 Baden-Powell was named ‘Chief Scout of the World’. Today there are 28 million boy scouts worldwide. Scouts, do your duty, when you are old enough grow a (preferably ginger) tache in honour of BP.

Michael Attree

Michael Attree

English satirist

Moustache type: Handlebar

Born: 22 4 1965, place of birth unknown to blogger





Some men in this book, one feels, have moustaches almost by chance, as if they followed the fashion of their times or didn’t like their upper lip. Michael “Atters” Attree would certainly not fall in with their number.

Atters is the Editor of Roguishness for the satirical magazine The Chap. Readers are treated to a double-page article each issue where Atters writes, like Hunter S. Thompson on Martinis, about debauched evenings out in Soho or finding the enlightened moustache in Bollywood.

Atters also writes for Flux magazine and The Erotic Review. Away from journalism, he has turned his kid-gloved hand to TV producing and antiques dealing.

Atters is the only living member of ‘The Handlebar Club’ (started by Jimmy Edwards, qv) to be included in the catalogue. He has been chairman of the World Beard and Moustache Championships and has a website called Ministry of Moustaches. Along with Gandhi (qv), Dr Martin Luther King (qv) and Albert Einstein (qv), Atters must be considered one of the giants of this catalogue.